FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
<Redacted> Now Proud Sponsor Of Mt. Rainier National Park – Peak To Be Sprayed Environmentally Safe Pink Gel – Minimal Helicopter Noise – Wildlife Not Impacted – Monies Raised
The recent government shutdown resulted in a major loss of revenue for Mt. Rainier National Park.
Park Officials considered many ways to generate revenue and finally have come up with a unique way to help offset those losses. <Redacted> products signed a 20-year agreement to provide operating monies to the park.
<Redacted>, president and CEO of <Redacted>, proudly announced, “The agreement will provide great exposure for one of our most iconic, and loved, products – the pink, tasty <Redacted>. And, will provide money to the park for the next twenty years.”
<Redacted> proudly points out the minimal environmental impact on the park as Mt. Rainier is frequently pink anyway. <Redacted> also said the first <Redacted> sold on May 11, 1919.
Photo courtesy of Reid Wolcott
The <Redacted> CEO also points out the agreement only calls for once-per-month aerial spraying of Rainier’s peak with a ‘fully biodegradable, fair labor, organic, naturally sourced, union-sourced labor, and competitive wage glowing pink gel that will coat the mountain and make it appear as our yummy <Redacted>. EVERYBODY will love it.’
National Park Products
Park rangers and National Park Service officials alike praised the deal and said, “Who didn’t eat pink <Redacted> as a kid and love it? This will allow the park to look it’s best and provide us with much-needed monies.” He went on to say, “the quietest helicopters, specialized designed for the elevation and payload will only do The spraying of the peak. We don’t anticipate more than 250 helicopter trips per spraying. It won’t disturb our guests much at all and all the scientific studies show wildlife won’t be impacted.”
The <Redacted> CEO mentioned, “Our beloved <Redacted> will be the only food offered at all gift shops and will be the sole dessert available at restaurants. We will proudly make a very, very generous five cent donation per cupcake sold.”
Oh yah, April Fools…
Gawd, someone <Redacted> couldn’t take a <Redacted> joke…
If you would like to read their thin-skinned complaint, I can post it here.